Relationships in our society are falling apart and the divorce rate is on the rise. According to a report published in a leading Bangla daily a few months ago, as many as 39 divorces are happening in the capital every day, followed by Chattogram with 18 divorces a day. Between June and October in 2020, 5,970 divorces were completed. In 2019, the number of divorces was 920 each month during the same timeframe mentioned earlier whereas the rate was 1,194 in 2020.

One thing is clear – the incidence of divorces is shooting up while the very fabric of our relationships (between couples) is tearing apart. But why? Riding on my myopic insights, I can point out a couple of points.

First, couples nowadays don’t have time for each other, especially families where both the husband and the wife are job holders. Some couples are too emotionally frozen, while some others are too ostentatious and consider posting all those flashy pictures taken in the flamboyant marriage anniversary party the only parameter to evaluate their success as a couple. Everyone is a busy bee in this era that is largely characterized by how successful you are in your career. As a result, people develop a yen for reaching the zenith of their career as envisioned by others and the society, even at the cost of his/her marital happiness. The share of time that is supposed to remain reserved for confiding in each other is blatantly dedicated to other activities; the weekend that is supposed to be a date to invigorate lost romance is shamelessly spent for professional meetings.

Second, an inability to balance between traditionally-expected behavior and spouse’s expectations causes problems and hiccups in a relationship, especially couples living in a united family ambience. Many men, many minds – a wife cannot really be the same person to all staying together in the family. To someone, she may sound a bit cacophonous, whereas to others, she may seem like an outsider trying to poke into every family decision. This results in feud and in some cases mini world wars within the family as to why the wife is not behaving the way they (other family members) want. In families where the husband fails to put himself in the shoes of his wife and the wife at the same time cannot make head or tail of the causes of differences or fail to draw the slightest concern from her counterpart, the couples run out of steam to carry on the relationship.

Third, with the passage of time we actually turn into humans full of ossified ideas. Consequently, we fail to recognize the fact that people change over time. Someone cutting loose in his twenties will not behave in the same way once he/she steps into his/her thirties. This is the truth because the journey from the songs of innocence to the songs of experience presents before someone so many moments of epiphany, all of which morph him/her into a changed person (widely termed as ‘mature’ in our society).

This metamorphosis is very usual. This is where the problem arises, especially in case of couples who were in a romantic affair before marriage. For instance – a romantic boy at the age of 25 will buy a bunch of flowers and chocolates as Valentine’s Day gift to sweep his sweetheart off her feet, but the same person at 35 may buy a chic comb and beauty essentials his beloved needs on a Valentine’s Day.

It may happen because that person has grown to be dry behind the ears and experienced other practical aspects of life which have forced him to learn killing two birds with one stone. Now, it gets quite difficult for his counterpart to accept such change in many instances, leading to acrimonious confrontations and divorce as well in the long run.